Since we started this latest housesit we’ve had nothing but hassle and constant bothering. Not from the neighbours or anyone we’ve met in this fabulous part of the world but from ‘his lordship’ Ed the German Shorthaired Pointer. So to shut him up we’ve allowed him to have a few words.

The following is obviously translated from Dog into English.

A Few Words from Ed

Guten tag.

Just kidding, I don’t speak German.. I’m a dog for God’s sake!

Before I start I must warn you that I’m easily distracted by pretty much anything. So be prepared that I might suddenly become obsessed with the door or a shoe mid-sentence and lose my train of thought. And if I hear a noise you’ve probably lost me completely ……………..

I’m Ed. I’m a dog. The big-ones call me a German Shorthaired Pointer for some reason, no idea why. I’m just me. I know my name’s Ed because they shout it a lot and it often means food or drink is coming so I have always have to see what they’re going on about.

My usual big-ones aren’t here at the moment so there are a couple of new characters for me to look after. There is the big daft one and the small soft one. I’ll call them Big-Daft and Small-Soft for now, although the literal translation from Dog isn’t quite so complimentary. They were a bit confused when they first arrived but I soon knocked them into shape and got them sorted out. With a bit of training they can now walk, feed, clean and even play.

What’s that noise? Is that someone at the door? Food maybe? Hang on ……..

They seem to understand basic Dog too. I try not to bark too much but sometimes they’re just in their own little world so I need to get a little loud to get their attention. Simple commands are okay with them both but anything more complex is just met with a dozy blank look and a whole bunch of whimpering. Especially from Big-Daft. They just about understand;

Bark – There’s someone at the door

Bark – Where the hell is my dinner?

Bark – Is it time for a walk? Is it?

Bark – I really need a wee.

Bark – HEY (just shouting really, no reason for this one).

They actually seem alright and between you and me I’ve grown kind of fond of the pair of them, even though they can be a pain sometimes. I’ve managed to forge them into a routine around the house now which makes my life easier and I can get some sleep between walks. They can be a little noisy sometimes though and it’s tough ignoring them.

(Are you sure there’s no-one at the door?)

So walks! They didn’t have a clue to start with to be honest. No idea where to walk or when to stop or when to let me visit the ‘little-dogs-room’. It took a few walks to teach them the correct ‘walking-etiquette’ too. What to do with other dogs, other people and cars. Small-Soft just let me go anywhere with no regard for my personal safety and Big-Daft couldn’t operate the poo-bags at all. Sorted now of course and I’ve got them where I want them.

A few points they’ve struggled with (bless them);

I really hate big hairy dogs!

When you say dinner I want it IMMEDIATELY!

When I need a wee I really need one so don’t even try to keep me away from that tree!

Squirrels are for chasing NOT just for looking at.

Walkies means NOW!

That’s all I have to say for now. Big-Daft and Small-Soft seem okay for big-ones and so far we’re getting on very well. They’re both behaving but I won’t hesitate to put my paw down if that changes.

Auf Wiedersehn

(I really don’t speak German, that’s Big-Dafts idea of a joke)

1/2 – 9/2/2017